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sorry I wasn't very well yesterday, so I didn't post the journal.
anyway next journal and we are coming up to 80 members which is great news.
Advice journal 11
After seeing this group I decided maybe I should talk more about things I bottle up and end up breaking over.
Mostly my major issue is just trusting people as I suffer from panic attacks and tend to get over emotional and have no control at all when I break over something. As I have moved to a new school it means making new friends and although I managed to mostly hide my issue for a year I have slowly gotten back to my old ways.
Although the group of friends I have have been nothing but supportive
after my old friends who constantly called me a freak and a waste of space *I suppose their not really friends then but it was all I had* and also made it clear they thought my issues were a waste of time and effort to comfort, I still feel like maybe they were right despite my new friends insistent it is fine and comforting is what friends do.
How can I make myself open up more and believe them when they say that? I worry that it will get too much for them and i'll be alone again and don't know what to do.
:/
My response
Thats great news, this is what the group is for to talk about things we would bottle up inside.
You only hurt yourself when you keep things to yourself, your emotional state will become more fragile as you pile more and more on to yourself.
Its a repeat cycle.
I can relate to this myself, I know how hard it is to trust someone when you have already been hurt in the past.
Your old friends were not your friends, no one deserves to be treated like that, a friend should help and not treat you as if you are nothing.
you need to give your new friends a chance, be honest to yourself have they hurt you in any way yet, if not then they deserve a chance.
They aren't like your old friends they are from a different area and from a different school, they deserve a chance.
Talk to them properly, help them understand that you are wary and scared of opening up, let them come to you but don't push them away completely. Your new friends are right, comfort, hugs and long nattering sessions are what friends are all about.
You have to take a risk and open up, otherwise you wise lose out on some great friends. stop worrying and start grabbing those great friends and holding on tight.
thats all I can think of
thanks for using the advice ine
anyway next journal and we are coming up to 80 members which is great news.
Advice journal 11
After seeing this group I decided maybe I should talk more about things I bottle up and end up breaking over.
Mostly my major issue is just trusting people as I suffer from panic attacks and tend to get over emotional and have no control at all when I break over something. As I have moved to a new school it means making new friends and although I managed to mostly hide my issue for a year I have slowly gotten back to my old ways.
Although the group of friends I have have been nothing but supportive
after my old friends who constantly called me a freak and a waste of space *I suppose their not really friends then but it was all I had* and also made it clear they thought my issues were a waste of time and effort to comfort, I still feel like maybe they were right despite my new friends insistent it is fine and comforting is what friends do.
How can I make myself open up more and believe them when they say that? I worry that it will get too much for them and i'll be alone again and don't know what to do.
:/
My response
Thats great news, this is what the group is for to talk about things we would bottle up inside.
You only hurt yourself when you keep things to yourself, your emotional state will become more fragile as you pile more and more on to yourself.
Its a repeat cycle.
I can relate to this myself, I know how hard it is to trust someone when you have already been hurt in the past.
Your old friends were not your friends, no one deserves to be treated like that, a friend should help and not treat you as if you are nothing.
you need to give your new friends a chance, be honest to yourself have they hurt you in any way yet, if not then they deserve a chance.
They aren't like your old friends they are from a different area and from a different school, they deserve a chance.
Talk to them properly, help them understand that you are wary and scared of opening up, let them come to you but don't push them away completely. Your new friends are right, comfort, hugs and long nattering sessions are what friends are all about.
You have to take a risk and open up, otherwise you wise lose out on some great friends. stop worrying and start grabbing those great friends and holding on tight.
thats all I can think of
thanks for using the advice ine
advice journal 24,25,26
Advice journal 24
I used to draw cats. And photograph them. And photomanipulate them. I loved making art with cats, domesticated ones, feral ones, wild ones. I loved telling stories, role playing with them and pretending to have my own little cattery. I joined DevArt groups and watch other cat-loving members until "Stephi" came along.
Stephi, like me, drew cats in what I thought was her spare time, and she was pretty good at it. I welcomed her into the cat world. I watched as she started off with a few watchers but grew into a person liked and respected by many Deviants. I drew cats with her, drew breed of cats she created and enjoyed it..un
depression, advice journal 21,22,and 23
hey all,
I just want to take the time to apologise for the long absence, I have had a lot of problems myself, severe depression, a whole heap of family problems, everything really, that just meant I wasnt stable at all.
I couldnt even get up out of bed most days let alone talk to anyone, my laptop pretty much stayed dusty all the time. anyway I am back hopefully for good but its getting better.
I never touched the advice stuff, so it just built up, so over the next week or so I will be answering all the 19 problems you have sent me.
thanks and again sorry
Advice journal 21
I have done trades and requests in the past and the people were plea
I lost a piece of advice, advice journal 19,20
Ok huge apology, my computer crashed on me so I lost one bit of advice, which I was writing up.
so to whoever wrote the long piece about the school and the three girls who were being her friends but then were also being nasty to her, I remember there was a little bio for each of them.
COULD YOU PLEASE RESUBMIT IT and I will answer it asap.
I am really sorry, it was completely my fault.
Advice journal 19
Hi...well I have an important matter to “get rid of”, I was molested as a child by my father, I was 7 or something. Worst thing is I feel I was never forced, and I feel so bad about it, I don't know if it's guilt or else...and
sorry
hey everyone, sorry I haven't updated yet.
My mum had to go to hospital yesterday for pretty much the whole day as she was in pain everytime she breathed and although she is at home and being treated I am overun with college work that should have been done yesterday.
so the journal will be updated tomorrow.
sorry and thanks
zara
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Comments1
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Having grown up with undiagnosed Asperger Syndrome, I can definitely relate to having a lot of social anxiety and people abusing me. (not quite exactly the way you described, but abuse is abuse, right?) As I've gotten older it's gotten better, but the biggest strides I've made for myself came with some effort. I really think it's a shame that the It Gets Better project focuses just on GLBT kids and not on a wider variety of people. What they say about GLBT is equally true of kids with Autism for example.
Around 2006 I really hit bottom. I had just been fired from a job in Austin TX and I started reading books on the science of happiness. It didn't happen overnight, but it literally turned my life around. I had struggled with depression my whole life (30 years) as a result of my social anxiety, etc. It's just 6 years later now and I'm happy to say I haven't had a depressive episode in several years now, despite this being one of the more strenuous times of my life!
Tiffany and I moved back to Dallas and discovered that my kids were in real bad shape. Her mother had to move in with us, we had to figure out how to get her cataract surgery, we had to fight for custody of my kids to get them in a better place. But after getting custody in February last year, my 3 kids who were all 1-2 years behind in school are now A-B students! Granted that giving them a clean environment where they're not worrying about food or clothing is a big help... but my point is, life is in some ways harder for me now than it's been in the past and yet I'm feeling a lot better than I ever have!
Like I said, what worked for me was reading the right books. My first recommendation is Feeling Good by David Burns -- it's probably a bit more work than the other books, but it's also likely to be more effective. After that, my top picks are Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman, The Luck Factor by Richard Wiseman and Positivity by Barbara Fredrickson.
Also, one-on-one therapy can help, but I'll give you a small caveat about that. There are two kinds of psychotherapy -- there's cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) which is scientifically proven and genuinely works. (This is the subject of the first book, Feeling Good.) And then there's the older, traditional psychoanalysis where they do things like the ink-blot tests... complete and utter CRAP, stay FAR, FAR AWAY from any of that Freudian nonsense... it won't help at all. So if you feel like you need it, definitely look for one-on-one therapy, just make sure you find someone who does CBT.
And lastly
... Sorry I can't be there to give you a real one. I hope this helps.
Around 2006 I really hit bottom. I had just been fired from a job in Austin TX and I started reading books on the science of happiness. It didn't happen overnight, but it literally turned my life around. I had struggled with depression my whole life (30 years) as a result of my social anxiety, etc. It's just 6 years later now and I'm happy to say I haven't had a depressive episode in several years now, despite this being one of the more strenuous times of my life!
Tiffany and I moved back to Dallas and discovered that my kids were in real bad shape. Her mother had to move in with us, we had to figure out how to get her cataract surgery, we had to fight for custody of my kids to get them in a better place. But after getting custody in February last year, my 3 kids who were all 1-2 years behind in school are now A-B students! Granted that giving them a clean environment where they're not worrying about food or clothing is a big help... but my point is, life is in some ways harder for me now than it's been in the past and yet I'm feeling a lot better than I ever have!
Like I said, what worked for me was reading the right books. My first recommendation is Feeling Good by David Burns -- it's probably a bit more work than the other books, but it's also likely to be more effective. After that, my top picks are Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman, The Luck Factor by Richard Wiseman and Positivity by Barbara Fredrickson.
Also, one-on-one therapy can help, but I'll give you a small caveat about that. There are two kinds of psychotherapy -- there's cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) which is scientifically proven and genuinely works. (This is the subject of the first book, Feeling Good.) And then there's the older, traditional psychoanalysis where they do things like the ink-blot tests... complete and utter CRAP, stay FAR, FAR AWAY from any of that Freudian nonsense... it won't help at all. So if you feel like you need it, definitely look for one-on-one therapy, just make sure you find someone who does CBT.
And lastly
... Sorry I can't be there to give you a real one. I hope this helps.