I lost a piece of advice, advice journal 19,20

Ok huge apology, my computer crashed on me so I lost one bit of advice, which I was writing up.
so to whoever wrote the long piece about the school and the three girls who were being her friends but then were also being nasty to her, I remember there was a little bio for each of them.
COULD YOU PLEASE RESUBMIT IT and I will answer it asap.
I am really sorry, it was completely my fault.

Advice journal 19
Hi...well I have an important matter to “get rid of”, I was molested as a child by my father, I was 7 or something. Worst thing is I feel I was never forced, and I feel so bad about it, I don't know if it's guilt or else...and once he told me : “that is our little secret, don't repeat that to anybody”.
Every time we talk I try not to say much about my life, I even told him at the last minute I have a boyfriend before coming to his house along with my brother (that was some months ago already), and when he calls me every Sunday evening I never have much to say to him so that our phone conversation never exceeds 5 min or something like that.

The last time, and the only one actually, when I tried to talk to him (or rather I just alluded to what he did to me in my childhood), he said, “That was not my fault”. I felt so pissed ! That I didn't say anything else and clenched my fists instead. I don't know what I would have done. Maybe punch him in the face or more, even though he is still ten times stronger than me I'm sure.
Plus I'm overweight ever since he molested me, and I don't succeed so much in losing fat, so yay for handicaps like these, fun...joy...I even have problems fighting my cravings and it's just terrible how I'm afraid to “lack” food, and somewhat jump on it whenever there's some around and especially trying to get what I want before others (I don't go in the closets where it is, but I tend to do this when it's presented to me).

Btw he is much older than my mom (80 now ?) and had a previous wife with kids, boys and girls, and my mom told me the molesting only happened with me when they separated, that he liked me very much and went crazy because of this, which is not at all an excuse for me anyway, although we were close before he did this horrid thing.

Now I'm about to go in April for about 3 weeks very far away from home (on the other end of France, if that makes sense...) along with my brother and my father.

Some friends know what happened to me, as well as my current boyfriend, so does my brother (although he may have forgotten, and doesn't understand why I don't move on or something, it's complicated), so does my mom (who was the first to know and to take legal action so he could not see us from when I was 8 to 12 (if I recall correctly, and I have also seen many counselors and psychologists, although I don't feel like it helped any, of course now I'm older, so maybe it would help), and even after 12, we always had someone with us until I hit 15 I think.
I feel sick of all this period when I have tried to get closer to him and get fatherly love from him and I hoped that he would talk to me about it, but nothing happened, except for what I mentioned above in the second paragraph and which was a disaster to me).

Now...my mom said it would do me good if I talked to him during the time I'll be off, to help clear things up and be at peace with myself, because it's still hurting me so much and I will get rid of it only once I do something. Problem is I don't know how to do that, if I need to be alone or what, if I need to tell him about my feelings past and present and so on and so on...
Or, if I even need to talk to him and stuff, I don't know how to approach the subject...
And I'm stressed out right now, so yeah...


My response
no don't say things like that. You were 7 years old, a child. He was your father meaning it was his job to protect you not hurt you.
A child is innocent and they trust everyone, you didn't encourage anything and as far as I am concerned he should be in jail for how he hurt you.
There is no excuse for hurting a child and its one of the worse crimes, that he attempted to somehow push blame off of himself is terrible as well.

please don't put yourself down, emotional trauma will cause weight gain and you are a strong person to even stand up and carry on with your life and have a boyfriend because there are many people who would have fallen at the first hurdle.

Try the paul mckenna diet, it will help you with confidence as well as helping you loose weight, goodness noes it worked for me.

I would suggest seeing a consellor again, because you are older it might help. You are more develop mind wise and I would also suggest going with your mum or father or even both. If you want to have a realationship with him then he needs to know what he did and how it effected you.
Its not a problem you can just slide under the rug and be done with because with something like this you can never fully move on.

I'm sorry for what you have been through, but always remember you are a strong woman and he can't bring you down, you survived one of the worse things ever and you are still standing.
thats all I can think of



Advice journal 20
Three months ago, I let my friend borrow a book from me. She said she was really getting into the series of books I told her about, and she asked me if she could borrow the second book because she couldn't find it any where.
Any way, when she gave it back I was shocked- the cover was wrecked and ripped, the binding was torn and she spilled some sticky substance on some of the pages. It look 10 years old instead of the brand new book I got in Easons. I really want to tell my friend about it, but I don't want to be rude and hurt her feelings. We only just started to get along and I don't want to cause a fight. What should I do??

My response
I get seriously irritated when people do this to my stuff, its a complete lack of respect.
One of the reasons I don't lend books anymore, and thats not a little bit of damage its quite a lot.

You have to tell her, she damaged your personal property and she has to know thats its not ok to do that.
just speak to her in private and tell her you are upset because you felt you lent her your book in good faith and it was returned damaged.
Do tell her you will forgive her as long as she apologises and explains what actually happened to the book.
I personally wouldn't ask for the money for a new book but thats your choice.

If she can't understand why you are making a fuss, explain to her that its a lot of damage to a new book and that you trusted her.


thanks for using the advice line